#21. The Hater and The Hypegirl
Somewhere along the way, despite my proclivity towards skepticism about most things, I became the kind of gal who fell in with tarot cards and oracle decks. Whether out of desperation or curiosity or a mix of both, I began to appreciate and occasionally cling to the idea of something portable and pretty that could yield immediate answers to life's gnawing mysteries. Whether or not these answers turned out to be true was beside the point; what I was really searching for was an inner sigh of relief versus some sort of anxiety-induced arterial embolism. Or some form of direction, in either...direction.
But, if I'm living what I'm preaching in all of my therapist directory profiles, "All of the answers we seek to find are already within." Which could be construed to mean that we don't need any kind of card to tell us anything. But what I mean today is that I keep talking about creating my own oracle deck to mirror all the parts of me. So I'm (re)starting with these two cards I made (above), along with their symbolism and stories (below). I find myself alternating between these two energies lately, and it's tiring. You could say that these are the cards I've been dealt. By myself, cosmically. (I told you, the answers are already within.)
"I hate! you so much right now!!!" - Kelis
Hater, Hater, balloon deflater!
Who hurt you? You don't need to answer that. Because it doesn't really matter. The point is, regardless of whoever may have hurt you in the past, you are hurting yourself now. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, a Harvard neuroscientist, found that emotions have a physiological chemical shelf life of 90 seconds, and after that, if we're still feeling the emotion, it's because we're choosing to keep it going. Which means that that gnawing irritation about so-and-so's unwarranted success or that argument-induced eye roll that's got your peepers stuck to the back of your head doesn't actually need to last for as many days or years as it has been. Ugh, science is such a hater.
This card depicts the essence of the Hater as knife, post-balloon deflation. You always think it's going to be so satisfying, to pierce that smirk right off the face of the object of your ill will. And maybe it is (for roughly 90 seconds). The problem is, they're still smiling obliviously. And here you are, exhausted and lying on the cold, hard ground, staring up at the stormy sky, questioning all the choices that led you to becoming such a curmudgeon.
I know, it feels like you can't help but talk shit. If sharing in shit talking feels a lot like connecting with others, remember that nobody loves company more than misery. It's easier to focus on other people's supposed foibles than to focus on your own. When The Hater shows up in a reading, it's a reminder that you need to check yourself before you wreck all of your relationships with your negativity. Especially, and most importantly, your relationship with yourself.
The Hater thrives off of validation and superficial connection with others over genuine connection with Self. At the same time, the Hater is aware enough of its course towards its inevitable downfall, and somehow has enough benevolence and foresight to encourage you to bring yourself back to you, instead of filling that precious brain space with distracted cynicism towards others. While the Hater enjoys a good gossip session, he knows that if you continue on with him (surprise, the Hater is masculine), he is only going to keep pulling you down and away from healing the hurt and growing into your best self.
Ultimately, he wants to set you free. I guess you could say the Hater is like an abusive partner with a heart of gold. And, if you let it, the heart of gold wins out in the end.
It is more than possible to take that power of gossip and harness it for good. Exactly how is yours to figure out.
Spit out that poison, ride the wind, and tame the beast!
"Oh, I think that I found myself a cheerleader/ She is always right there when I need her." - Omi
Donning a spin on rose-colored glasses, the Hypegirl sees the world and all of its inhabitants through bright blue pom-poms, making it known that no one is more stoked than she is for all of your endeavors and your triumphs. If you need an emotional pick-me-up, she's your gal. Keep her number on speed dial.
The Hypegirl is the secret inspiration behind the inaugural research study on the benefits of the helper's high. She knows, lives, breathes the science behind how helping others can release the same kinds of happy chemicals that get secreted when you're eating a yummy meal or finishing a vigorous workout. And thus begins a chain reaction within oneself to keep doing good by others, because feeling good... feels good.
But that's not why she does what she does.
You know how, in The Hater, you tried to murder the smiler? Turns out it's the unexpected version of "what you resist, persists." This card shows a balloon, inflated. You tried to kill it in the Hater, but the air wafted out only to smack caress you in the face with positivity. You've been cleansed. An N95 would have done you no good. Some things just can't be deflated, no matter how hard you try.
The Hypegirl simply can't be beat or put down. Her high vibration is such that she only has love for those who try to harsh her mellow. Because she gets it. She's been there. Lord, she hears the Hater's prayers for her demise and knows that the only reason she reached this unaffected place is because she did the work to heal her wounds and make friends with her demons.
The Bible was spot-on when it said that "perfect love casts out fear."
The Hypegirl does what she does because she lives in that perfect love that casts out the fear in which the Hater lives. She's in LOVE. Not in the romantic sense, but in the sense that, when you're in Hypegirl energy, everything you're doing and saying and thinking is from a place of peace with oneself, of not needing to engage with negativity in order to feel a false and fleeting sense of connection. She wants only the best for you, and knows without a doubt that you have everything you need to get there, too.
If, despite the snazziness of the card's symbology, you're starting to feel like the Hypegirl is kinda boring, it's probably because she's the yin to the Hater's yang. She exists in a state of being where all inner noise is turned down. She doesn't have as much to say as the Hater, because she doesn't need to engage with the ceaseless train of thoughts that the mind churns out. When you're in Hypegirl mode, you are so healed and whole that you don't need anyone or anything, and if you do, it's only so that you have someone else to cheer on.